I haven't blogged recently.
I don't even know what to blog about anymore.
I won't ever be thin. I won't ever be pretty. I won't ever have control over my food.
I just want to be loved. Want somebody to swoop me up and say "I love you" and mean it. Yet-how will I know they mean it? How will I believe them if they say it and really mean it? How will I know? I'm not sure. Maybe I'll be able to sense it. But maybe I won't.
I want a mature, tall man who cares for me and loves me for me despite all my imperfections. I want somebody to not care about my flaws but just love me for the personality I have-whatever that personality may be.
Here's some photos from blueberry picking.
I added a photo of me at the end.
Me at 140 whopping pounds.
I am huge.
I know Im fat..ya don't need to lie or say otherwise.
I'm going to take the photo down in like 24 hrs but I decided I'd post it.
(pictures have been removed)
I get you. I'm feeling the exact same way - every single word.
ReplyDeleteI won't give you any crap in attempt to make you feel better, because i know it might mean nothing. But I understand you ♥
I hear ya on the man thing! But you and I are both very young and we have time! I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone and eventually it will happen! For now you just have to try and love yourself. If you don't love yourself first it will take a bit longer to find someone else (man wise) to do the same.
ReplyDeleteAbout the weight thing... if you quite stressing over it, your weight will get under control. There is a stress hormone that makes people gain weight and I am pretty sure you have activated it considering how you're so unhappy and stressing over it. I really wish my words could help you but I know words sometimes just mean nothing, so try and hang in there... a new start is coming soon! :)
you have no idea how much I feel you right now. we're livin with the lonesome, baby.
ReplyDeleteand are all those pictures you? You're adorable!!!! like no lie. I pinky promise I'm not just saying that to make you feel better, you really are presh.
Oh no, dont say that ! Im more than sure that you can get in controle of what you eat ! Your gonna get thin, your gonna get loved and your a really really pretty girl !! We all have ups and downs, your "up" is comming soon, i just know it <3
ReplyDeleteand... thank you so much for your comment, it was what I needed to hear. :)
ReplyDeleteI want to be loved too. Everybody does. And honestly, you have no idea how much its scares me to death to be vulnerable. i'm used to being emotionaly in tact in a situation, but when it comes to love sometimes, im always too scared of the fall, to even risk having the high. i've pushed somebody away because of it, and i honestly cared the world about him. And i even KNEW he was into me, and his actions showed it. okay, enough about my sad love history.
ReplyDeletebut honestly, there is someone out there for you, just as there is someone out there for me. And even if you dont find it right away, im positive you have enough love swirling around you from family & friends who care the world about you.
And you're 140 pounds? Well, im 15 and 120 pounds. ONLY 20 less than you. ANd every year, i GROW, and GAIN muscle (it comes from dance) and so i can guarentee you that i will reach that weight one day, and it will be a HEALTHY weight from me. ANd i'll love myself just as much as i do now. Sure, i do have things i wish i could change about my body, but i've learned to love what i was given, and mostly, i am comfortable with who i am, my quirks and all. So i would LOVE it if you could take a look at yourself and find somethings about your personality, your looks and write them down, and look at them everyday, and smile and agree with them.
and MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! those blueberries loook SCRUMPCIOUS :D
hello again ;D
ReplyDeletei forgot to add that your profile name is the truest thing ever said. i dont think anyone out there doesnt have a battle they're struggling with. me included and god knows i fight battles everyday. And im sure you do, but the thing to remember is that battles come and go, but life is an ongoing thing, it dosent stop for you to fight battles, so the way to reach the happiest life, is to try to lessen the battles and fight only the ones that are impossible to ignore and turn away from the battles that will only complicate your life more. So fight this battle with your weight ferociously, with everything you have, come out on top, and once you win,the world will look beautiful and full of possibilities you never knew were there.
You look so pretty<33 :)Nice dress btw!
ReplyDeleteThe not trusting or believing issue. I read somewhere that it has to do with the fact that we don't trust food. ah the trusting, one day you'll trust & believe someone when they say they love you<33.
Oh wow.You are not huge.And I really-really mean it. =)
ReplyDeletei long to be scooped up and told "i love you" too. i want to be loved for who i am.. fucked eating habits and all. |: stay strong! :) xxx
ReplyDelete