shopppingggggg

yes yes thats right i went shopping today.
got amazingggg dealssssss :)
got shirts for $8 originally $58-89 dollars
got 2 pairs of jeans each for $12 originally like $144-160
and got 2 dresses that were really expensive too and were only $24 :) yayyyy
BUT-
the lines for the dressing room were too long and i was going to work after so i didn't trry ANYTHING on.
bottom line. after work and after eating a shit load i tried them on.
the black dress i got that i did NOT think was going to fit...actually fit...its pretty stretchy.
the romper i got i thought would fit. it didnt even get up my thighs :(
the shirts fit.
the jeans did not fit. they are sorta there. it sucks tho. i used to fit into a size 26 or at least i have a pair of seven for all mankind and they are size 26 and it used to fit. i haven't tried them on in a while. but these size 26 didn't fit.
the other white boyfriend jeans i got were size 27 they looked HUGE. again i repeat HUGE but they seemed to fit! which is good they fit. but i figured they would but im mad b/c they looked HUGE and they seemed to be just right. fuck.

i need to loose weight to fit into that romper.

my mom of course wanted to see the clothes i bought. i only showed her two things.
then she was like wheres that dress that you said you got?
and i said here it is but it didn't fit.
she asked me if i was going to give it to my sister then? (my twin sister) and i said no mom im going to loose weight and fit into it.
damn it. damn it.
:( makes me soo mad. ohhh well are you going to give it to your sister then since your a fucking 143 pounds?? and can't fit into any fucking thing? yeah yeah. okay.

thats it. im starving myself. i need it. i need the control bad. i want to kill myself. i want to die a slow skinny death. im never going to get there by eating. so fuck it. im done.
theres no food in the fucking house anyway really. or well im running out of the food that i bought. im running out of MY food.
im seriously done.
im just done with this whole eating thing.
its going to take a few weeks to die down the intakes of shit but i have to. im going to limit my intake from anywhere from 0 or 300 calories - 800 calories max.

i need peoples help/opinion
okay so i work and babysit if you didn't know. i usually start work around 2:30pm. and i wake up really whenever i want sometimes 8 if im going to the gym for a class or else around 10 or 11 or 9 haha it varys....anyway....at work i totally can avoid eating. i've been babysitting for this family FOREVER and i usually never eat or at least they never see me eat. if i eat it's when they aren't there. so i can avoid eating--they dont care if i don't eat and won't force me too. but i usually bring some snacks/healthy shit from home when babysitting.
sometimes i don't
but then when i get home from work around 10pm every night---i should just go to bed. but instead i eat. i come home and eat whatever we have. but my parents don't question me on whether or not i've eaten. my mom doesn't make dinner anymore. so like i can just screw it and go to bed or just not eat when i get home and i should do that. but ughhh idk why. i need help. i need to break the habit of coming home and eating. coming in the door and going striaght for the food.
ideas? thoughts? helppppppp??
i need to loose weight. its July 16th I wan't to loose 20-25 lbs in one month. possible? ehhh idk. most likely NOT.