My life sucks.

My life really does suck.

I have so many insecurities.

I hate my body.
-Even though my arms are pretty toned compared to my friends I hate the fat I find on them
-I hate the stretch marks I have
-I hate my nose
-I hate my wrists (they are too fat)
-I hate my double chin
-I hate the lines on my neck
-I hate that my collar bone doesn't stick out

Shall I go on?????

The real problem that I have......is.....I can't accept myself....I can't accept myself for who I am. I can't accept my weight. I can't accept my flaws. I can't accept my thunder thighs. I can't accept the fact that I wear hearing aids. Yupp. You heard me right. I wear hearing aids. No one knows except my family and a FEW friends. I don't even know if my therapist knows/has seen them. I wear my hair down. They look like this.





I have A LOT of normal hearing. Yet can and do benefit from hearing aids. When I talk. I talk normally. You cannot tell I have hearing loss.
I hate people knowing. I am really insecure about it. If I have to wear my hair up. Chances are I just wont wear my hearing aids. They have really helped me. They've helped me not say "what?" or "huh?" and asking people to repeat things. You know I'm sorry guys---sorry for not hearing you. It's heartbreaking to have someone yell at me when I didn't hear them the first time. Yeah--I understand it's a inconvenience for you, but it's an inconvenience for me too.
Anyway-I'm really insecure about it. I just got them in August 2009. Haven't even had them for a year.
I think I'm weird, a freak, get way to many stares and just have so many problems.

I'm usually fine wearing it when I'm some place where I'm either never going again or won't really run into too many people. Sometimes I have this care-free attitude. Like I'm usually fine wearing it around people I don't know. But around people I do know/used to know me---I have a really hard time wearing them. And like next year at school--omg going to have a really hard time. I like to keep it a secret for as long as possible. I seem to love keeping secrets. Holding in little secrets that just I know about.

Yet...now a bunch of people know about it...but uhhhh I don't even think anyone reads this damn blog hahaa.