I think I'm obsessed with shopping. With food shopping that is.
I bought 2 pints of bluberries, a 6oz container of raspberries, a bag of spinach, 1 bag of food should taste good sweet potato chips (b/c well it was on sale AND i had a $1.50 coupon off. silly me!!! i should not have) and the coupon entitled you to buy two which i didn't realize until i was checking out so of course i had to get 1 bag of food should taste good multigrain chips, OJ was really cheap so i bought a thing of that and lean cuisines were on sale so i got 3 lean cuisines.
And then yesterday I bought 2 containers of oscar mayer turkey and 2 containers of blue diamond almonds, bananas, 3 peaches and 2 kashi frozen dinners.
I think I'm addicted to food and buying food.
My workout today:
1 hour of pilates
20 minutes on the elliptical
and walked the dogs for like 40 mins
and played soccer with 2 young boys for 30 mins (i was sweating a lot!!)
I've eaten A LOT tho. I sort of wasn't feeling the workout. I guess I was sort of tired and not in the mood to work out.
I am going to work later. I hope it's fun.
Ohh and I forgot to say--so I've been pretty sore, stiff and stressed so I'm getting a massage tomorrow. I'm really going to try and NOT think about the person giving me a massage how much fat and how fat I am and just try to relax. It's going to be hard but I want to because I just wanna relax.
And I want my nose pierced so I'm thinking once I reach 125 again I'll get it pierced :)
And most importantly--I've been trying to work out (well I do every day so it's nothing different) but eat well and space it out as much as I can although I have not been doing a good job with that today and this morning when I weighed myself I've gained like 2.5 lbs and thats A LOT! considering how huge I am already. FML FML FML :(
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Here are some photos.
So after I ate some Food Should Taste Good Sweet Potato chips on the car ride home from the grocery store and gym I came home and OIAJ!!! I've never heard of it till being addicted to reading healthy blogs and all and it looked cool so I tried it!!!
Almost empty jar of peanut butter!!!! (so put some oats in it!!!!)
Had a little accident in the microwave!!! DAMN IT!!! LOL
All better!! And yummyy!!!
2 slices of Jilian Bakery 1 net carb bread with teddies peanut butter (I OPENED A NEW JAR! DAMN ME!!! I COULDNT RESIST!!! FAILUREEE!!!! and a banana)
Had tons of crap today.
Feel like shit.
Going to bed.
Gym and massage in the morning tomorrow then work later in the afternoon.
For the rest of this month I'm sorry--I have to loose weight---I'll eventually try the healthy way but it just doesnt work for me. Doesn't work for my body. I can't handle it. And since I am not puking anymore well then I need to do something about it...either start puking again which I don't want to do because I'd always get super anxious about when I could and shit and hiding food and it was just no good. So I am just gonna stop eating and really start restricting. 400 calories a day for the rest of this month. And thats all. No more than that.
I'll need all the support and luck I can get. I'm going to rely on this blog for keeping me in check.
Good job with your workout, that's a lot better than I did yesterday!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment on my post yesterday, that was really sweet of you, made me feel better :)
Hope today goes well for you! [:
xoxo
I know that i have said it once and i will say it again. you are SO INSPIRING!! i seriously, seriously admire how you don't turn to purging and keep on eating healthy! How do you not purge? Keep it up girl. I have been reading your blog, and trying to follow what you do.
ReplyDeleteI can restrict, I can purge, hell i can starve, but it takes more to me, to eat healthy like you do and excercise. You must be so toned!
REMEBER ALSO** muscle weighs WAY MORE than fat.
I adore your blogs, and how you show pics of all the meals you make:)
you are beautiful my dear, i hope you can accept it.
keep on going, smile and enjoy life too!
you will get to were you need to be i know it!
xxo.
Rach<3
Rachel thank you. Thanks a lot for all your kind words. It means a lot to me!!!! It really does. So thank you.
ReplyDeleteAs far as how do I not purge? I have no idea. I did it for about a year...and it was a constant battle and constant secret of mine. I'd purge after almost anything I put into my mouth. I just finished my first year of college and slowly at school I started stopping. The urge sort of went away yet I also found it harder and harder to find somewhere to go without someone catching me. I of course had bad night but it slowly got down to like twice a week....then once a week...and then like two times a month or so.....I think I just stopped thinking about it. I was seeing a therapist on and off. But not nearly as intense as I have. So I honestly don't know.
ugh i hate my muscle and i know muscle weights way more than fat but idc i have too much fat. if i had only muscle maybe i wouldnt care as much but i just have too many flaws. thanks for your kind words sweetie <3