im so depressed.
i did some things depressed people do. it wfelt to good. i felt accepted, needed, whatever it feels like to cry for help, i felt it all.
i wish i could just see my therapist now.
okay one more week. one more week. you can make it. i almost texted him again today. just leave him alone. you can make it one week you damn fat pig.
i'm done with eating. that's it. i'm huge.
i'm so depressed i don't even want to go to the gym.
i am huge. i'm not going to my aunts house again for a while. that house is trouble!!!! soooo much food!!!!! so much good and bad food but i usually lean towards the bad!
I saw this on a blog today and it is perfect.
I want to be "that girl"
I want to be the girl who has every quality a boy could ever want.
I want to be the girl who is not slutty, but simply too beautiful, inside and out, to resist.
I want to be the girl that others look at and think "I want to be just like her."
I want to be the girl with a confidence earned by a perfect body, as well as personality.
**Update on today
So seriously when I woke up today I was still STUFFED from last night...all i ate.
I had a diet coke with lime.
I ate about 4 pumpkin protein pancakes (about 100 calories)
I ate some multigrain blueberry rice cakes over the course of the day. I ate the whole bag (330 cal)
I ate a red delicious apple w/o the skin and sprinkled cinnamon on top and popped it into the microwave
I ate one lightly salted rice cake (35)
Okay so today was a unique day--i actually had a good day....well so far....and i havent had one in a really really really long timeee!!!!
I probably consumed like 560-600 calories??
-i did also have....
10 strawberries
10 baby carrots with hummus
thin is pure. starving is the cure.
I'm in the same evil place as you, weigh more now than before my food issues arose. Like really? Fuck me.
ReplyDeleteBut oh well. Don't give up doll, keep moving the right way. I'm sorry you're so depressed, I hope you feel better <3
I sometimes think I might actually weigh less if my food issues never crawled out from under a rock. When I eat, I eat everything. My binges are enough to feed Africa.
ReplyDeleteKeep working hard. You're not a failure until you stop trying!
And I absolutely love the part at the end of your post :) x
trust me i hear you on my binges are enough to feed Africa. you are so right. like seriously i think what i ate last night could of fed Africa.
ReplyDeletethanks guys--it means a lot <3
awww, I'm so glad you liked that saying. it makes me feel so good that you like it, I came up with it!! lol
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you feel like a little piggie, I hope the feeling goes away once your therapist comes back. I don't want you to be depressed, I want you to find something that makes you happy!
Hello darling.
ReplyDeleteMy it seems you had a rough weekend, but this week will be better. I am very happy that you have your therapist to talk to: it really must be nice to have someone to give you perspective like that. Because that is what it is. To help you see the truth about yourself. That you are beautiful.
Your super killer deals are awesome though (shoppingwise). The clothes that don't fit yet THEY WILL:) Let them be an inspiration for you NOT condemnation or else you'll just feel even worse and want to turn to food more. Remember keeping that positive outlook as best you can sweetie.
I think for all of us binging is our evil arch enemy, and its the price we pay for starving, restricting and obessessing over food unfortuntely. Like i said, every time you say no to a binge, the stronger you get in not giving in. Go for tea instead<3
i hope you have a much better week and that you are successful in your goals. Smile and go easy on yourself too! Your beautiful girl
xxo.
Rach