Monday, August 16, 2010

Healthy?

First off--thank you everyone for leaving such wonderful comments. It means a lot to me. Not everyone thinks like you guys do. So thanks. It made me really happy to hear all of that. I hope to one day feel fully comfortable. I think the hardest part is like friends, family and people that have known me all my life have never known I have hearing loss or imagined I'd ever have hearing aids in my opinion....so its just hard...I guess I'm having trouble with my old friends--people in the past--people that new me before I got the hearing aids--do i just wear my hair up and let them see it? do i talk to them about it? do i just ate like its no big deal and just relax? i dont want it to be a big deal. i dont!!! i dont want them to notice. i dont want it to be a big issue--but im just really insecure.

I'm eating well. Haven't been exercising lately. Right now I'm in this place where I'm not happy with myself at all, not happy with my body etc etc but I eat. And eat a shit load. Its just hard. Like am I healthy because of the food I eat/number of calories I eat??? But I don't feel healthy because to me healthy is loving yourself and being good to yourself and just happy.

Its nice saying by to my college friends from last year. Its good to see them. I'm happy I'm here but its also sad and hard. I'm torn. I hope I'm making the right decision by transferring.
I don't know what else to blog or write about.
My therapist is awesome.
It's crazy how I can be so happy and love my friends but then just be really unhappy and sad and not want to see anyone and hate my therapist.

I got lunch today with a gorgeousss gorgeousss friend whos hearing impaired. Much more than I am.
We got lunch and frozen yogurt too!!
It was yummy!!
Heres a picture of the frozen yogurt and my left over panini is underneath.



Oh and I went out to dinner with my mom last night! Had an amazing raspberry pear salad!! It was soo good! With a raspberry vinaigrette. It was one of my friends birthdays so we got a little silly/drunk :) I wasn't really drunk though and then the cops came and busted this party we were at. No fun :(
They had an ice luge, jungle juice, beer, shots, lots of shit and crazy people.
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3 comments:

  1. - Eve :')August 16, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    Good god that looks YUMMY! And I know I won't love myself then too, but I think I may like myself a bit more? Ya know, all I ever wanted is to be thin. I want to recover when I am at my thinnest or the thinnest I want to be.
    A couple of days of no exercise doesn't make you unhealthy. It's all in our mind lol, feeling healthy. Yaaay, moodswings grr. :P
    If you act like it doesn't matter (the hearingthing.) then they won't think it matters.
    Take care<333

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  2. Owl GirlAugust 16, 2010 at 3:37 PM

    I think it's better to do something like, when a topic ends and no one knows what to say, you start with "oh, did you know I use hearing aids? They're not harmful, and you haven't noticed before because I use to wear my hair over it. What do you think about it?". Well, it's only an idea xD

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  3. AnonymousAugust 17, 2010 at 8:30 AM

    omg that looks AMAZING! and that salad sounds awesome as well. i love fruit in salads. :)
    my cousin wears hearing aids and used to be really self concious about them too.he wasnt allowed to grow his hair out(strict parents) so he would use those hats with ear flaps to hide them. no one ever made fun of him though and after a few years he realized that 99% of his fear was all on him because no one that really mattered to him would say anything mean.hell, they didnt even realize he had them till he mentioned them to his friends. thank god people are usually so stuck in their own worlds that they dont notice the little things.
    stay strong.
    meg

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