I love God!! (I wish I loved my body the same)

First off--THANK YOU all for the lovely comments :-)
It was so nice and means the world to me!!!!! I love getting comments! Sorry I don't leave too many comments anymore. I will try to get better. Right now is also really hard because its finals week and thats CRUNCH time!!!! So that means....well I finished my first semester (TODAY!!!! YAYYY) and only have exams left and I will be home soon but lots of crazzy studying is NEEDED!!!!!!!!

anyone use twitter?

I love God.
Its hard because my food issues tear us further and further away.
But he has a special place in my heart and in my life.
And when I am just able to be with him and pray with him and talk to him...it is the most amazing feeling.
You are never alone girls!!! Even if you don't believe in him I believe that he is with you so its okay you really are never alone.
Someones always going through the same thing as you too. Even if it doesn't FEEL that way.

So a quick post...or I want to try to make it quick because it's already almost midnight and I have yet to do any work!!
But...
This week thankfully has only gotten better. Monday and Tuesday were pretty rough for me.
I was just feeling really out of control.
And I hate when I get like that.
I can't think rationally.
I am a mess.
I don't accomplish anything (like school work)
And I just HATE it.
And I don't know why....why that happened....I've been eating normally.

I thank the Lord for my therapist every single day.
I obviously am biased but I believe I have the best therapist ever :-D
Okay okay...there are other VERY GOOD therapist out there too. But my therapist is the best for me. And thats what's important. You're therapist has to be the best for you. Or at least someone who you trust, respect, enjoy talking to, listens well, understands you, and wants the very best for you. The therapist should also be professional.
He is the father I never had.
He knows everything.
I get annoyed at him. I've yelled at him.
He gets annoyed at me. He's been very stern and serious with me.
But the best part about us each getting frustrated at one another is it shows how honest and open we are with one another. I've seen MANY other therapists and at times I feel like they are "higher" than me and I can't ever disagree....or I can't be like I'm mad at you....I don't know why I think that way....because I shouldn't....but I have with other therapists.

Anyways I cut and binged and just was feeling awfully fat and disgusting...ya know the whole hate relationship with the body that goes on.

But I am very happy with myself.
Because.....
lately my head gets to me when I run on the treadmill....
my head plays too many games with me....
but tonight i said to myself....your gonna go and run and....and run for YOU....run for HAPPINESS....run to FEEL BETTER...run and have alone time....time with yourself...and time with God.
And I did just that!!!
I ran about an 8:30 mile pace.
I ran 8 miles :-)
It took me 67:02 mins.

The treadmill was annoying because after 60 mins it puts you in the "cool down" mode....and it went to 4.5 mph and I had to increase it back up to my running pace and then shortly after it would go back down to 4.5 and i'd increase it again and run more...and then it'd go back down...and i'd have to increase it again....okay okay okay you get the idea!!! lol :-)
So that was annoying....but it was okay.

I am just so proud.
I am just so proud because I beat my damn negative thoughts.
I beat them and destroyed them.
I just maybe....maybe was so happy in my shower after my run that I had a few tears of joy :-)

I kept telling myself "go go gadget legs" on my run and "how great is it going to feel after this run is done"

Thats the longest run I've ever done on the treadmill

I hope this week is better and I love myself and try to love my body better.